Dear Dad

NOTE:  I know it's been a while since I have updated my blog, but every year since my dad has passed I write him a letter. . . right here on this blog.  It may seem a little weird, sad or crazy, but it's how I remember, honor and cope.  

Dear Dad,

I can't believe it has been three years since you left this earth.  Losing you, I truly have a sense of just how precious life is and how quickly it passes.  But, oh how lucky we are that God gave us memories.  Memories that we can cherish, hold on to and play back in our minds like a favorite movie.  For the last couple of days I have been thinking a lot about you, dad, and some favorite times together.  I've tried to just let my mind drift to see what memories played back, moments that I haven't thought about in a long time.  Of course there are the obvious ones that shaped our family and my life:  moving from our tiny little town in Arkansas to big-time Kansas City, then moving again from KC to California, high school and college graduation, when you met Hamid, our wedding day and the first time you held Emma.  Those big memories are the unforgettable, but I wanted to marinate in the small moments too.  

Like our times together in Kansas City. . . and how you made every Saturday 'family day.'  It was your mission to show us some cool thing about KC each and every weekend.  Jeremy and I were about 9 and 10 years old and thinking we were a little too cool to be bumming around with our parents on the weekends.  But you didn't care. . . you showed us museums, parks, malls, amusement parks, universities, farmer's markets and baseball games.  Knowing what I know now, I am pretty certain our family was flat-broke, but at that time I would have never guessed it!  And although I might have thought it was pretty lame to have 'family days' then, those are the memories that warm my heart.  You cared about us, you wanted to be with us, we were loved.  I think that's why I find excitement in new places and crave exploration in my life today.  Of course my poor children are now subject to the tradition of 'family days' on Saturdays, I will tell them they have YOU to thank!  

My mind stayed in Kansas City and how we lived in a two bedroom apartment on seminary.  That apartment must not have been more than 900 square feet, sharing a room with Jeremy for 4 years, each of us living large with our water beds!  I remember how you worked three jobs to make ends meet.  My favorite was your job at the seminary library; I LOVED going to visit you there.  You would always take us on the service elevator, and showed us secret parts of the library.  It was always so quiet and mysterious in that library.  I remember you would come home smelling like books.  The cool thing is you probably read most of the books in that library.  Unfortunately, I did not inherit your love for books, but you would be happy to know that Emma certainly has!    

Another memory that plays so clear in my head is when we lived in Arkansas.  It was a hot, humid summer day.  I don't recall if we had air conditioning in that house, and even if we did we were probably too poor to turn it on!  Jeremy and I were laying on your bed and you started singing this song. . . 'Lying here a dying.  It's too hot to pop.'  Then Jeremy and I chimed in and we just kept singing it over and over as loud as we could, and then we would laugh at ourselves!  

Or how about when I was moving away to college.  The car was all loaded and you came out to the driveway to say your goodbyes.  As mom and I drove away, I remember you waving with one hand and wiping away tears with your other hand.  Very rarely did I see you cry.

I could go on and on remembering moments together. . . I am sure if you were here we would sit and reminisce together.  It's so cool how all these moments make up a life, a life spent together! 

Now that I am a parent too, all the moments I shared with you seem even more poignant.  I miss that my girls aren't able to have those type of moments with you.  Whether you would have read a book to them or taught them a new song, I know you would have helped fill precious moments in their lives.  Luckily, Mom and Jeremy go overboard and help fill in those gaps!  

Our exciting family news is the newest addition to the Amon clan. . . Jeremy and Bit are going to have a baby BOY!  The first boy grand-baby, I know you would be SO proud of him.  Jeremy is going to be an amazing father, and I am pretty sure he's going to teach him how to swing a baseball bat as soon as he starts to walk!  I think he will be a true Amon with blonde hair and those Amon ears!  Don't worry, we plan to spoil him rotten, give him lots of love and tell him stories about you.       

I hope you have peace in knowing that your memory lives on in all of us who love you.  More importantly you have made an impression on our lives, and that impression has spilled over into how we LIVE our lives.  The traditions, songs, words and moments you gave us I am also trying to give to my children and I am certain Jeremy will do the same!   

Miss you dad, and love you immensely!
Punky